Independent on Saturday

Family lesson for fathers is to really listen to your children

TANYA WATERWORTH tanya.waterworth@inl.co.za

FATHER to five daughters, Pastor José Kidiadi says the most important part of being a dad is listening to your children.

Having arrived in South Africa from the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) in 2003, Kidiadi said he would spend tomorrow enjoying Father’s Day with his family, but would remain mindful that June 20 is also World Refugee Day.

Kidiadi, who founded the Rehoboth Christian Church in 2007 in Durban, said that for him and his wife Holga, their daughters, Shiloh, 13; Excellence, 12; Success, 10; Mystery, 6; and Deliverance, 3, were “a blessing and a gift from above”.

“Along with that comes a lot of responsibility. I enjoy being a daddy, it renews my mind being with my children and spending time with them keeps me young.

“It is good to listen as a father, not to just give orders. Kids like it when you sit down and really listen to what they have to say. They may be wrong, but as fathers, that gives us the opportunity to give them good guidance. Listen to them on a daily basis as a volcano can erupt if it is given too much time.

“It is important for fathers to create family bonds from when the children are small.

“A good legacy to leave your children as a father is for them to know God and to know what is good and what is wrong. That is something money cannot buy,” said Kidiadi.

He added that on Father’s Day, the family will start the morning with prayer, after which they will walk on the beach and probably go to a restaurant for lunch.

With regards to World Refugee Day, Kidiadi said that having been in South Africa for close to 20 years, he had been accepted by his community.

“I’ve been a victim of xenophobia and have been attacked twice. Once in 2009 and again in 2015 when I nearly lost my life and everything I have.

“Many South Africans do welcome us and I’m now part of my community. And part of my calling was to help South African people.

“We are not here to take anyone’s job or to bring those other things they say that foreigners bring. We are here to bring input to South Africa. We have a business skills programme with other churches and we can share the skills we have. We can’t wait for a government job and we can help create employment,” said Kidiadi.

Meanwhile Congolese-born singer and songwriter René Tshiakanyi, whose family had to flee from the Congo in the late 2000s, never got the chance to say goodbye to his father.

Now living in Durban, he has released a new song, All I Need Is A Friend, written especially for World Refugee Day.

Having earned a four-year mechanical engineering degree at university, Tshiakanyi was arrested by the military during the conflict in the DRC in 2009.

“The capital Kinshasa was a war zone. I was on my way back from a gig when the military stopped me, took my guitar, arrested me and threatened to shoot me. I realised anything can happen at any time and our parents said we must get out. South Africa was very kind and gave me a visa,” he said.

When he first arrived, Tshiakanyi worked as a gardener for a Morningside family.

“That family didn’t have good manners and were very abusive. The way they were treating me made me realise I was a nobody. I looked for a job as a

mechanic, but there was nothing, so I started playing on the street. When I was paid R1 500 for a two-hour gig at a wedding, which was the same pay I received in a month as a gardener in 2010, I decided to follow music.”

He saved his earnings and attended the Durban Music School where he also learned piano and saxophone.

“My parents went to France and my father passed away five years ago. I used my small savings to send to my mother to contribute to his burial, so I could not go as well. I have not seen her for 12 years.

“These are wounds I have as a foreigner that will never heal. My father did so much for me and I feel I let him down, I never even got to say goodbye,” said Tshiakanyi.

On building harmony between South Africans and foreigners, he said: “I often think I’m in the crossfire between foreigners and South Africans, so I’m using my music to try to bring people together.

“My new song is a message to say I may be different, but I am just like you. All I need is a friend to talk to, to rely on, to build a future with. South Africa, with its good and bad, has given me a chance to grow as a person. I want to make a difference and give back,” said Tshiakanyi, who has also worked for LifeLine as an ambassador.

Durban NGOs Zoë-Life, Denis Hurley Centre, Tumaini Community Project, Refugee Pastoral Care, Nechemia Hope Africa and refugee leaders this week called for South Africans to take time to get to know foreigners and “find threads that bind, not differences that separate”.

All I Need Is a Friend can be found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZdNJ1PRe9M , Instagram @renetshiakanyimusic or go to : https://renetshiakanyi.com

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2021-06-19T07:00:00.0000000Z

2021-06-19T07:00:00.0000000Z

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